Monday, October 22, 2018

Searching

Long ago, in a castle so small





A Prince was growing up, getting tall




No longer a boy, becoming a man

Needed something to do, he needed a plan!!





I have a plan for what you could be,




become a star wrestler, strong and unyielding




win your fights, acclaim and fame




charm the ladies too, "hey babe, whatcha' doing?!"





I have a plan for someone so tall





Handle the baby as I shop at the mall





Drive me to where I need to be





And massage my feet to help relax me.





Ugh.







No, no, no that plan is all wrong,





be a wonderful vampire, with teeth so long






haunting the halls is so much fun






as is drinking the blood of everyone








I think I've got a better plan



I'll work hard and learn all that I can






Become an astronaut, bathe in the stars' glow






Or become a biologist, see the ocean below





Maybe a dancer, stealing the show







Or become a baker, baking fresh dough





Who knows what will happen

we'll see what I know

as for everyone else

your plans really blow!





If I work hard
then I'll become
a real star




like my favourite, bestest Uncle (of course)!



Happy Birthday!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Princess - the Interview


Once upon a time there was a Princess.

Who started a band and released an album.



Years later, and with an exciting solo career, check out what she's been up to.





Prince$$ Kari$ Lays Down the Law -- EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

Call me "Princess", said the music industry's hottest star. And why wouldn't we? She has been called Princess her whole life, why stop now. The 60,000 fans who sang Happy Birthday to her at her concert in San Antonio gave their wishes to "Princess" and who can argue with that.
Joking around backstage before a show in Copenhagen.

Princess is the coolest young woman who ever descended from a castle. Why? Because her motto is, I don't give a hoot what you think, I'm going to wear this baseball cap. Many criticize her style, that she doesn't wear tiaras, ball gowns, and other trappings of her aristocratic birth, but there are folks all over America who would, in their heart of hearts, love to be seen with the people the tabloids have linked her with (attempts to get her to confirm recent rumours of Shaun Mendes were met with a wry smile, "I'm too young for all that drama"), wear the outfits she parades boldly down the Upper East Side, and do it with an attitude that would get you fired from the office. Princess does it for us.

While in London to record some tracks and promote her new album, It's My World So Deal With It, Princess holds forth with her usual candor. It was clear that while she may have occasionally screwed up, Princess regrets rien. Well, maybe having the Evil Vampire Queen do a rap solo on one of her old tracks.

But Princess is an artist who rarely looks back, except at the computer monitor as she answers messages from fans from her many social media accounts.

"I try to step away from the formula." says Princess, "if I can get those epic choruses on the dance floor, that for me will be the triumph of the album". She pauses, and quotes AC/DC, "it's a long way to the top if you want to rock & roll.' It is! But at the end of the day I have a heart, and I have a soul -- sometimes everyone forgets that."
An early photo of Princess with some of The McKays, chilling in
the alleyway behind the Black Sea Club in Seattle before a show. 

Everyone also often forgets just how young she is. Working, she's the most serious adult in the room, unquestionably the Princess-In-Chief. But in unguarded moments, she comes off as pleasantly stuck around the age she abandoned the fairy tale castle, dropping out to become a superstar. Without fanfare or warm-up, she wheels her chair over to a microphone in the corner, pops on headphones and began singing an endless series of variations on the chorus of what we assume is a new song. She then pauses, and asks if the equalizer on a single line had been adjusted. It had, and they change it back. She repeats the chorus and she's pleased. "Now it feels more smooth. Like Cher."

"No, it's Princess." says one of her producers. "No," she says. "I can't reference myself. Not yet." When asked why not yet, noting she's a megastar with two number 1 albums and a sold-out tour she noted, "I haven't been around long enough. Tons of singers and divas make a big splash and then next thing you know they're gone." She then chuckled slightly, "Madonna probably has a book of all the divas who thought they were going to be bigger than her."

What her producers and engineers actually want is a break. They haven't slept in days, and that's after traveling the world for a year with Princess to get this album done in the middle of a 100+ date arena tour. She is proud of being harder to work with than a typical pop singer. "I always feel that I can't consider myself as a real artist if I'm not always involved," says Princess. "Usually the artist comes in, cuts a vocal and leaves, and these guys do their business and send it back. I don't work that way. I know what I want so I work with them until it's where I want it to be."
"Everyone likes to tell me they understand my life and
where I'm coming from. Anyone who says that is a fool."

Does she keep in touch with her old band, The McKays? "Sure. People made a big fuss when I moved on to a solo career, trying to hype it up as this big split, that I was some Drama Llama causing trouble and arguments. It was never like that." She picked up a small teddy bear from a table (I found out later its name is Stumblers) and was absentmindedly playing with it in her hands as we talked. "I just needed to move on and do my own thing, y'know. With a band you've got tons of different opinions and you need to compromise on the sound and the direction. I'm not one for compromising so I knew that if I stayed things would eventually blow up. It was good that I left when I did, before things went bad. That way there wasn't a lot of hard feelings. I still chat with them every now and then. I had Ogre over for coffee a couple of months ago when I found out we happened to be in the same town."

"I suppose my name and background is part of the problem. When you're a Princess everyone wants to make you out to be this Princess-Diva type who let's entitlement go to her head. I started out doing opening shows with The McKays at the Venom Room in the Bronx! Yet everyone thinks I walked out of the castle, demanded red carpets be rolled at my feet, and went straight into Wembly Stadium!"

She then moved over to the sound room, taking Stumblers with her. Her voice quieted and it appeared like she was reflecting on the past, "I wish it had been that easy."

You're never too old to love stuffed animals. Princess posing with
a narwhal, at a Grammy's after-party in Beverly Hills.
But despite her protests there's no arguing that her rise to music stardom was quick. I pointed out that The McKays didn't play opening gigs in clubs for long. "We needed to prove ourselves first to get a serious deal from the label." She went to the fridge for a water (did anyone guess that she gets her own drinks?!), "in the beginning the labels treated me as just a novelty". She put on a childish voice like an extra from Mean Girls, "Oh aren't you adorable Princess, wanting to sing on a record, that's so cute." she said with a slight eye roll.

"It took a while for the record company to wake up and realize that I was serious about being a singer, that it wasn't just some rich-girl wannabe-hobby. So we did shows in clubs until the label could see what we were about and be willing to give us proper attention." She put down the water and stared straight at me, "It was not easy y'know? Trying to prove myself as an artist when all people saw was a rich princess, accusing me of not knowing what I was doing and implying I was trying to buy a career! But I did what it took to make it work."

It was certainly a strategy that paid off. Once the label supplied the backing for a well-produced album (the multi-platinum You're Not So Tough) there was no going back. Nowadays you couldn't fathom Princess doing small club shows in the Bronx! Those that were there have an almost divine-like status in fan-circles, and memorabilia from those shows now sell for big money online.

It took a while for the record companies to see she was serious, and serious she is. An assistant walks in to remind her that she has to be at BBC for a TV interview tonight. It's a tight schedule because I know that she'll then be on a train to Birmingham to prepare for tomorrow's sold-out show, complete an interview with the Guardian, and somehow in-between manage to fit in a photo shoot for her new clothing line set to come out later this year. Princess might not think she's been around the scene long enough but the music industry, and the world, is prepared for her being around for a very long time.


Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Spa Treatments



Once upon a time there was a little boy who lived at home with his parents.



"Hey Dad!"



"How's it going?"



"I hope I'm not bothering you . . ."



"Do you have any cash? I could use $20 right now for some cars . . . "



"Cause, y'know, I love cars n stuff . . ."



"So how about it? Huh? Dad? Daaaaaaaaaad!?"



So his Father thought long and hard, then replied, "Actually I have a better idea!"



"I'm going to send you away to a spa!"



So the young boy was sent far away to a spa.



"Ugh! What the heck is this place?!"



But when he went in he found a really cool bouncy mattress.



Then an old lady appeared! "You are here for ze spa treatments, yes?"



"Good, then we shall begin"



A young lady came into the room . . .




And gave him a Spine Stretcher! (oooh, you can hear the bones cracking!)



Then a big man came in . . .



and put him in a patented Scissor Stretch Hold!



Then the old lady got in there. "We need to tenderize ze muscles a bit too."



So the young lady grabbed him back.




"You mean like this?! This should tenderize him!"



The man grabbed him back. "No, like this" as he applied the dreaded Toe Twisters.



The young boy broke free and made a run for it.



But was swiftly recaptured. "Time for more spa treatments."



A headlock and shoulder crunch to improve circulation. . .




Followed by a Full Nelson to limber up the arms



Suddenly another lady appeared. "What are you people doing to this child!?"



"Oh, nothing. Just giving him some spa treatments."



"How could you possibly give him spa treatments . . ."



Without first giving him the McKay Group Power Tenderizing!!" (Oh no!)



And the tenderizing commenced!



Eventually the young boy managed to jump on one of the workers . . .




And escape the spa. The young boy ran all the way home (which was easy to do as his limbs were all soft and flexible)


And when he got home his Father said, "I hope you've learned your lesson about climbing on people".



(I guess not.)



Cause this is what the boy and his Uncle Glen think about rules!


Have a Happy Birthday ya little monkey!